I'm Home

I cleared out my desk today. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do in a while. I kept my cool and just focused on getting my goal accomplished. It wasn't until Hannah gave me a hug outside to say goodbye that I started the water works. I have realized that I have not fully embraced becoming a mother. It's still a very new dream to me. I have been home the past few days feeling quite ill, but the fact of removing my things from my desk was a hard hit. I am so excited to become a mother, but the fact that I have to quite my job is still really hard to grasp. It's not that I am sad to be a mother, but I am sad to say goodbye to the "non mother" Crystal. I wasn't prepared for that good bye. Nor to say good bye to my Hannah Banana. She's been a big sister to me that I can't ever really say goodbye to in a good way. I know I'll still see her a lot, but it's not the same. = (

Once I got around the bend of route 31 I really started to cry. I had a trying day all in all. I also got the news recently of a family friend with cancer. I saw him today fro lunch and I wasn't prepared for the "kemo" look. Although the doctors are very optimistic, it's still very hard to see him without hair and not healthy looking. He means a lot to me and is like a father to me.

I am glad that Noah is shortly around the corner to brighten my life up. I had a dream of him today and it made me totally excited all over again to have him come soon. Pain isn't even a factor anymore, I am ready for it and willing, as long as it produces our baby.

So, for everyone out there, I am home now, and probably in need of a few friends to play with to keep my mind off being uncomfortable...



Needless to say, my emotions are exausted, as well am I.