Catching up....but definitely not on sleep.

OooooooooooooooK!. We get it, you want us to update. Sadly, Crystal is slightly preoccupied with our little burrito, so I will have to fill you in on the schpeel. Crystal's was sleeping rather uncomfortably early Monday morning when she began to feel cramping similar to those of the monthly visitor. She dismissed it as regular aches and pains and got up to go to the bathroom. I had already left for work at 5:45 and was a good 40 minutes away. (In an attempt to not be too graphic.....) things get wet from there. She claims that it "wasnt quite like going to the bathroom because there is a lack of control" but for you movie buffs out there, it certainly wasnt a re-creation of Jane Curtain's scene from Coneheads. Needless to say, she was shocked and excited and called me to ask, "How would you feel if you didn't go to work today?"
"Are you serious? I'm turning around right now."
She seemed reasonably calm and started making calls to people to let them know that everything was beginning to go down. I got home and she was prettying herself up for her long day. Check out some of the pictures from the other blogs (sdgphotography.blogspot.com, talithaamber.blogspot.com) she was a good looking delivering lady. Her mascara didnt even run the whole time. Anyway, we lingered around at home for a bit and left for the hospital at 7:30ish.
The whole process of getting in to our delivery room was extremely easy. It puts all those sitcoms with the pregnant couple trying to deal with the front desk and whatnot to shame. By the by, Crys and I were impressed with the room at Provena for Moriah and Josh but this room was very inviting. It was overly spacious, had a nice pull out bed from a chair, nice t.v. with cable, pretty much the works. The highlight of the whole room was the overbearing mirror that sat hanging from the ceiling parallel to the delivery bed. If you dont know what it is there for... ask your mother. Anyway, the first thing that Crys and I commented about the mirror is that the hospital had put a large picture on the front of the mirror, (in case the mother didn't want to watch), that looked eerily like a picture that Mo and Josh have at their house. Spooky no? One way to save the memories I guess.
We got "comfortable", popped in an episode of Friends and was rudely interrupted by a nurse who wanted to make sure that Crys had seriously dropped her water. Again, in another attempt to not be too graphic, she used a little strip of paper that changes color. Sadly, she wasnt happy with the dark blue that it turned into. She wanted a pitch black blue with little purple polka dots and smiley faces that sing songs to you and she wouldn't be content with a dark navy blue with elves that tell the whole Lord of the Rings story that Crystal had produced. (By the by, that was an exaggeration). She tried the test twice and finally decided to use a little cup that also changed colors. She told us that it would take 5 to 10 minutes. We waited in the room staring at the little cup waiting for the color change. We began to get annoyed at the fact that she was POSITIVE that her water had broke and she was certain that this nurse was simply being anal. She came back at 5 minutes and it still wasnt any better, but finally at 10 minutes she smiled and said, "Your pregnant!" Woot. What a relief Captain Obvious.
And so began our lovely long day. The nurse asked what her level of pain was on a scale of 1 to 10...1 being minor discomfort (like a dwarf calling you a bad name) and 10 being excruciating pain (like, and I quote, "Getting your arm torn off from a car door"). She said she as at a 2. The nurse adjusted some switches and then left. Crys' contractions came on pretty regularly, and thank God for the machine by the bed that helps track them. The worrying husband can hold his wife and give her a heads up on the intensity of contractions. According the level that Crys told the nurse, the contractions are monitored on a level of 1 to 14. When she is normal and just kind of chillin (still uncomfortable mind you) she is at a 2 (as per her earlier questioning). The contractions came on and by 10 am she was reaching a 6 every 4 minutes or so. The nurse would pop in, make some random comment about the density of a ping pong ball and then leave. The fam came in and out throughout the day and we played some uno just long enough to remember how to properly play when a doctor came in and wanted to see how Crys was progressing. Nearly 2 cm. It was almost noon and she was only getting more uncomfortable. The doc decided that she would finish breaking her water for her because it was a "high break". (Yeah, exactly, I have no idea what that means either but I just smiled and acted like if she needed me too I could scrub up and help her do brain surgery next door.) Up until here, Stal was handling it pretty well as it simply seemed like she had a bad tummy ache but watching this doctor tear the rest of her water bag was pretty rough, even for me. (Just saying "tear the water bag" kind of makes me want to cross my legs crawl into a heap and weep.)
We sampled the delicacy that is the Delnor cafeteria and found it to be just what we expected. They do have a "Garden room" which has a nicely stocked kitchen. They have jello, and chips and pudding and soda and jello and fruit and jello and some sandwiches. Papa partook on a semi-regular basis. Mama stuck to water and ice and downed some chicken broth for lunch...mmm mmmm. Our nurses changed over and we were introduced to Traci, the blunt yet personable queen of all things baby. She was very cool, nicely calm and collected and was willing to volunteer her advice and own personal experience to help Stal. It was about 3 pm and she was 5 cm dialated. Crystal had gone through some rough contractions, some reaching 10 on the monitor scale and they were coming more and more often.
Crys had gone into this planning on doing a "natural childbirth" (for those of you who dont know what that is, it is a form of dimensia a woman experiences wherein the husband literally poops himself watching his wife die slowly on a table) but Crys was really hurting bad. I had been a huge epidural supporter from week 2 of the pregnancy but Stal was adamant about trying. I have to say, she blew my mind enduring what she did and I love that woman more for even attempting it. Despite the 3 to 5K price tag associated with this little (ha ha) barrel full of fun, I COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY ADVISE ALL COUPLES TO JUST TAKE THE STINKING THING!!!!!!! Alright, the process of actually getting the epidural is not a happy one, but the effects were great. The guy came in, said his hellos and had Stal turn on her side. We had heard horror stories about actually getting this so I promised Stal that I would watch and keep her informed. The guy wiped some poo colored water on her back to sterilize. Then he pulled out something that will haunt me till the day I die. It was a rubber tube with a sharp tip. THIS THING WAS A TUBE! It was as round as a pencil and this wasnt the shot! Crys must have seen my expression cause she said that I got real pale, the doc said that there would be some "pressure" and then he pushed the tube in. Stal was in pain, alot of pain, honestly if the guy had moved any slower I would have kicked him in the kidney. He then got the actual shot and put it inside the guide cathidur (tube) . She felt the shot too, it was a huge long needle, like 8 inches long. (I can only assume that there are some bigger people that need to have those extra 5 inches to reach their spine but Crys doesnt have much to her at all.) Anyway, the doc starts making conversation now and Crys is still in pain. He's like, "Ok.......this is going to take just a little bit of time to kick in. Once you begin to feel it you will slowly lose feeling in your legs and the pain should subside. You will still feel "pressure" (These people have completely redefined the word for me) but pain should not be an issue." This whole time, im just watching him take his time slowly empty the thing but I am ready to hop over the bed and take that thing to his face for hurting the wife but then he said..." You should start to feel icy cold run down your lower back" and instantly Stal stopped crying.
"Ohhh, thats cold."
The pain didnt stop instantly, but it was very evident that it was beginning to subside for her. He put another tube into her back and attached it to a bag full of "happy juice" and taped it to her back with a block of styrofoam. (I know that I was extremely dramatic with that last bit of but the response was A....MAZE.....ING! I would sit over by the contraction tracker and watch it hit 12, 13 and Crys would be joking around with people in the room. She would later describe it to me, " I can feel the pressure of the contraction, but it doesn't hurt really. The pain is gone but I feel the pressure." (I know! At this point Im beginning to question whether or not the entire female species has been playing a huge practical joke on men since way back in Genesis. Pressure....pain....whatever, I still wouldn't want to do it.)
So its 4ish and she is almost 6 cm dilated. (Now let me state something that I found somewhat annoying about the whole ordeal. I would be sitting watching an episode of the Office and a nurse would come in with a computer on a tray and a scanner gun. I would soon come to find out that they were scanning in things that they were adding to the room, or giving to Crystal or whatnot. It was like watching a hotel add things to your room bill. She would whip out her scanner, tag Crystal's wristband (almost too similar to a Jewel Osco preferred card) and just start scanning. "Oh look, a bag full of water, *click*, oh, a roll of toilet paper, *click*, a lollipop that I found in my pocket, *click*." I could just picture the insurance company going through the bill and nit picking things out (part of my obsessive nature). I know that it isnt really like that but give me a break, its my wife and my kid.....anyway, I digress) They decide that oxytocin is in order. *click* (Its the drug to help progress you faster.) They added it to her iv and wouldnt you know it, an hour and a half later she was up to 8.5 cm. Woot!
Traci was in and out of the room pretty regularly now and Rosie (our photographer : SDGphtography.blogspot.com) had shown up and was snapping pictures *snap* of the room, the fam, the wife. We were all getting excited reaching the meat and potatoes of the whole day. Stal had been laboring for 14 hours and was and 9.5 cm. Traci had paged the doctor a few times but she was in the middle of watching a basketball game in Batavia. Traci to the rescue! She was just chilling out and commenting on how good my deodorant smelled (Old Spice Red Zone "Showtime") . Crys couldnt seem to get passed that last little half cm. So they decided to prop one leg pointing at Saturn and the other to remain positioned parallel to the equator. (Dont ask me why) Then Traci said that she should push through the contraction. (Cue the intimidating music) The time had come to push? Really? Ok. Crys would tuck her head to her chest, try to relax her face while she pushed and I would grab hold of her foot and prove to her that I could count to 10. She must not have believed that I counted correctly because for the next hour and a half I counted to 10 three times a minute. Traci decided to whip out the game of Twister to play midway through the pushing. She had Crystal put right hand on red and left foot on blue. Then vice versa on yellow and green. Eventually I found my wife gripping a towel draped over bar that protruded from the end of the bed with her feet pressing against these bars running perpendicular to the floor. It was time for the mirror to say hello. Crys had been going at it for nearly 2 hours and then the doctor strolls in to say "hey". Then she leaves. The nurse told me to go and get some sugar in me because I "look like Im going to pass out". I felt fine but I ran for the door. I nearly tripped going out because there was a woman on the floor and two at the door listening intently to what was going on inside. My sister, my sister in law, my mom and my mother in law were all inches from the door listening to me count for Crys and for her pushing. Im sprinting down the hall in my socks and sexy blue scrubs, running to the fridge, grabbing some pudding, popping the lid and chugging it down as I run past the girls back into the room. The doc decides that it may be a good time to come back in so she pushes by the ladies outside the room (ask the girls about that) and into the room. She tells Traci that they want to break the bed. The next thing I know, Crystal is horizontal tugging on her towel, Rosie is helping support her head, Im trying to push her foot back up behind her head and the end of the bed where Crystal's butt used to be is broken off and pulled away. I dont know how she was still sitting there in bed but the doctor came wheeling up on a stool and told Crys to give it all she had. Now, Stal had been pushing for 2 hours and me and Traci had been watching this little hairy headed little man make his way closer and closer (sorry for the graphic bit, it truly was amazing) and Crys is beyond tired. Im counting, she starts pushing and the next thing I know a little purple head jumps out and starts staring at the floor. Doc goes to town sucking out this squeezing out that and there is a little man yell. Crys falls back on her back and gets ready to keep pushing but the doc tells her to stop. My kid is halfway here and the docs want her to stop?! Give me a break. They tell her to wait for the next contraction to push and she is just in agony. 30 seconds later another one comes on and she bears down and plop, out shoots Mr. Magoo in all his glory. He looked ticked off but didnt really cry much. I later told Isaac that his head seriously looked like an apple with a tennis ball attached to the back side of it. Whatever, we can fix that later. Crys had done it. The kid was out and even though the placenta wasnt a treat to labor either she was done 3 minutes later. Noah Riley Ferrell was born at 10:03 pm, December 3 weighing 7 lbs 10 oz. and measuring 19 inches long. (What happened to my line -backer baby you may ask? Just ask Crystal how much weight he has gained since coming home. Hoo Boy, chunker city. On a nice note, he was also born with a full head of hair, which Crystal and I have quaffed into a fo-hawk. The pics look great and Rosie was a godsend of a cheerleader for the whole delivery. (Wow, long post and yet there is still so much more that happened right after he came, from crawling out of the scale machine, to hitting on nurses, to Papa and him trying to get past security.....but that is another story. I'll update or Crys will to let you know what the first 48 hours was like soon.)